Dear Fashion Gods (or Women’s Clothing Manufacturers….either one):
I realize that you have your grand visions for the way you think women’s clothing should look and function. However, I have discovered a glaring problem with one of your visions, and that is the woman’s bathing suit cover-up.
What women like me want….no, need is a lightweight, quick-drying coverup that does the following things:
1) covers our entire backside and maybe even a good portion of our thighs,
2) buttons or zips or fastens in the front, making it easy to get on and off, particuarly when wearing a hat, which we should all be wearing,
3) comes up high enough in front to shield our decolletage and collarbones from the sun, since they tend to get a little toasty even when we slather ourselves in SPF 50,
4) comes in a variety of pretty, but not garish colors,
5) comes in more than one-size-fits-a-few,
6) is machine-washable so that I don’t have to waste my time hand-washing something that really should be able to stand up to at least the gentle cycle,
7) does not cling unappetizingly to the hips and thighs of a woman who actually has hips and thighs,
8 ) is reasonably affordable,
9) comes in both long-sleeved and short-sleeved versions.
Hoodies are optional. Patterns are optional. Decorations are optional (unless they negatively impact item No. 6). Pockets would also be nice, since I tend to tote so much stuff around in my pockets, like my keys and cell phone.
Really. You could make this garment and make a gazillion dollars. You might turn the whole recession around. The Wall Street Journal would write you up in a glowing report. You’d make all the fashion magazines. You’d earn the undying loyalty of women everywhere–or at least me and my friends.
Thanks. You get right on that, and let me know where I can buy it when you’re finished.